A while back in 2021, I wrote a small post about how Odin had come into my life,through dreams and was asking me to be heard. This post is filled with links to other previous posts to help you better understand the journey I have had so far.
The 2021 post can be read here:
The post I was writing today:
It occurred to me that I never finished his story about how exactly he and I began our journey; I did include a small snippet in the Woden’s Day post, but I felt that I owed it to myself and to Odin to finish the full story and share our journey thus far. Life gets us distracted sometimes, with responsibilities piling up and the chaos of daily life pulling us in different directions, yet I want to assure you that I have not forgotten about you, my dear souls, nor has my journey paused.
The threads of my experiences, woven together through moments of reflection and growth, remind me of the deeper connection we share. Even though I may not have been posting regularly, my spiritual practice continued off page, evolving and deepening as I navigated through trials and triumphs, seeking wisdom and guidance in every situation. I invite you to join me as I recount the significant moments that shaped our path, illuminating the lessons learned and the insights gained along the way.
For me, Odin was the very first male deity who truly resonated with my spirit—not from a book, not from a ritual, but from something older… something bone-deep. He came to me like a half-remembered dream or a story whispered on the wind, echoing through time. I heard him in the rustle of trees, in the quiet corners of my mind during long journaling sessions, in those questions that kept me awake at night. – Mrs. B
Yes, he came to me within my dreams and sometimes in a dream-like state while meditating or disconnecting from the things around me. Slow at first, as though he were a soft whisper, barely audible, he gently nudged my consciousness, inviting me to explore deeper realms of my spirit. As I became more attuned to his presence, he began to resonate more profoundly, growing louder with each step I took on my journey.
This journey has led me from Christianity, to the shadows of Pagan Deism, and into the vibrant light of what now is my practice today: An Ancestral Norse Pagan, Kitchen, Green/Hearth, Solitary, Eclectic Soul, embracing the ancient wisdom of my ancestors and honoring the rich tapestry of earth, spirit, and tradition. In this awakening, I find a harmonious blend of rituals and beliefs that nurture my soul and guide my path, connecting me with the energies of nature and the essence of the divine.
I am all about balance in my practice as a solitary practitioner, it is at the center of my beliefs that in all things, within all life there is the dark and the light. The joyous areas of Grey, the enlightenment of knowledge and spirit.
As Odin began to make himself more of a presence in my life, it occurred to me that he is neither Light nor Dark; instead, he embodies the qualities of a Grey God, representing a profound balance of dualities and complexity. This unique aspect of his nature showcases a deep well of wisdom that transcends ordinary understanding, combining elements of war and magic with an equally potent capacity for peace and love.
While he shares similarities with the Christian God in terms of being all-encompassing and all-knowing, Odin goes much deeper, manifesting a more human side that allows for an intricate connection with his followers. His character reflects the richness of the human experience, filled with both triumph and sorrow, joy and despair, illustrating that true divinity exists in the balance of opposites. In his presence, I feel encouraged to explore these contrasting aspects of my own life, embracing the complexity that comes with understanding both the light and the shadows within ourselves.
The Christian God, never spoke to me; he never awakened my soul as he had done for so many in my life around me, and this silence was both haunting and alienating. It was not for my lack of trying either. I led a Church Nursery and was a Church Childcare Coordinator for YEARS, pouring my energy into helping children understand the teachings and values of Christianity. I worked as a substitute teacher, a lead teacher, and a Director’s assistant in various other churches too, engaging deeply in the community and its activities, striving to meet the expectations placed upon me. I taught children the foundations of the Baptist Church & Methodist Church, spreading the word of Jesus, God’s only son, to various ages, hoping that in leading them, I might also find my own connection to the divine.
I went to church from the time I was born until I was 26 or 27, not every week but most of the time, participating in services, events, and gatherings that often felt more obligatory than fulfilling. I did it because, as I have stated, it was expected of me, not because it resonated with my own beliefs or desires. I lived in fear of constant rejection and hatred, fearing that no one would love the real me, the person beneath the façade of compliance. I believed that certain gifts of mine were an abomination, whispers of judgment echoing in my mind, persuading me that my thoughts were wrong, that I was wrong on so many different levels, creating a persistent internal struggle between my authentic self and the expectations I felt compelled to meet.
It was hard to fathom that if I was so different but I was also intentionally made, how could I be wrong? How could this infallible God of the Christian Doctrines, have created anything that was also labeled from the get go as a deplorable sinner, that my gifts my very essence of who I am would send me to a pit to burn for all of eternity?!?
At the age of 27 I was fired from my job at the Church and excommunicated. It was a rough time in our family, filled with tragedy that would span several years after. It was in this time that I began to try and find a church home, to deal with this gaping hole in my soul, this ache but also this numb void that needed to be filled.
I came across Deism. It resonated with me for awhile but also, made me have more questions, because its very idea came form Thomas Pane, one of our founding fathers in America. So I learned what I could, joined groups and discussions to try and understand it better, but it did not quite fit. I felt a call to something OLDER.
From here it manifested into Pagan Deism, and as I slowly worked myself back into a spiritual awakening, a spiritual practice, Odin creeped in, slowly and cautiously. To his credit, I think he sensed my vast trauma and did not want to scare me away.
[Funny side note, as I am writing this post, I get a package at the door, its a witchy box that my husband had gotten me for my birthday as a part of a subscription to Witches Moon. Well this box is all about Air, connecting with spirit, the Raven, the Blackbird, the messengers. I hear you Odin, I am working on telling them. Thank you, All Father.]
When the quiet whispers did not work, he crept into my dreams, sometimes subtly hanging in the wings as others came to me first, like fleeting shadows at dawn. And when he felt he was needed, he would crash in like a bull in a china shop, crashing through the barriers of my subconscious with an urgency that could not be ignored, just as Freya had made herself known with her own powerful presence.
One night, he made his entrance very loudly, drawing my attention with an intensity that was both startling and captivating, showing me this table steeped in mystique. Laid out before me was what I would call a reading table, meticulously topped with an eclectic array of books brimming with ancient knowledge, runes that whispered secrets of the universe. Inlayed on the surface were intricate carvings that hinted at tales long forgotten. Feathers from his ravens glistened in the low light and the shadows seemed to dance in the soft glow, celebrating my arrival. A horn goblet filled to the brim with rich mead, sweet and intoxicating, was set out as an offering. I knew instantly that it was him—the essence of his being was palpable in the air, not appearing in his physical form but manifesting through all of his representations, each item a fragment of his spirit, urging me to listen and awaken to the depths of the wisdom he wished to share.
I moved to the table and caressed the intricate carvings with my fingertips, feeling the grooves and whorls that told a story of time and craftsmanship. I took in a deep smell of cedar wood and sable, both earthy and rich, that intertwined with hints of mint and musk, creating an alluring atmosphere that settled around me like a warm embrace. It was playful, enticing, and soothing all at the same time, stirring memories long forgotten.
There was a faint smell of tobacco lingering in the air, as I woke from the dream; it was as if he had stood near me, his presence a comforting shadow, while I dreamed of him, puffing on a long-stemmed pipe, the haze curling around his smile, a gesture that spoke volumes of warmth and familiarity. The blend of scents transported me back, allowing me to grasp for those fleeting, precious moments that felt so real, yet slipped through my fingers like smoke.
That day I decided to create him an offering as seen in the post from 2021, a heartfelt gesture that I hoped would resonate with the essence of our connection. Since then, I have not stopped honoring him; it has become a ritual that elevates my spirit and brings forth memories of our shared moments. Not every day, but frequently, when I hear him echoing in the halls of my mind, those whispers remind me of his presence and guide me through my thoughts and actions, urging me to cherish the lessons he imparted and to keep the flame of our bond alive.
I often will kiss a coin or a rune and hold it up to him, a small gesture of thanks to the All Father, expressing my gratitude for the blessings and guidance I receive each day. This ritual has become a profound part of my practice, allowing me to connect with the sacred energies that surround us. I scry his name on my mirror with oil, watching as the shimmering letters form, reminding me of his presence in my life, and use his name in private meditation for grounding, insight, and wisdom, focusing my thoughts and inviting clarity into my mind. By dedicating these moments to him, I deepen my spiritual journey and foster a sense of connection that nourishes my soul and enriches my understanding of the world around me.
He [Odin] makes me feel as seen and heard as my own earthly husband and soul partner; it is a connection that is indescribable, transcending the limitations of conventional love and interaction. This bond flourishes in the shared moments of silence, where understanding flows effortlessly between us, creating an intimacy that is both profound and transformative. In his presence, I discover a depth of empathy and support that nourishes my spirit, allowing me to explore the depths of my being without fear or reservation, entirely embraced by his divine essence. The sensation is akin to being wrapped in a warm embrace, where my innermost thoughts and feelings are acknowledged and valued, enriching the tapestry of our relationship and forging a link that feels destined and timeless.
Now weave together his story with Jord and his continuing story with Frigga, and it brings me so much joy, happiness, and peace as I can honor them all in ways that transcend just memories. Their journeys intertwine beautifully, reflecting the strength of their character and the depth of their feelings for one another. As I delve deeper into their tales, I find myself captivated by the lessons they impart and the courage they display. The rich tapestry of their experiences inspires me daily, reminding me of the importance of love, kinship, and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. Truly, celebrating their legacy fills my heart with warmth and gratitude, serving as a guiding light in my own endeavors.
His story with Jord is one that transcends time; it is a rich tapestry woven with both joy and heartache. Even though they did not last as a couple and both moved on with their lives, forging separate paths filled with new experiences and relationships, their journeys remained intrinsically linked. Despite the physical distance and the changes that life brought, there was an enigmatic connection between them that lingered in the air, palpable and enduring. This bond was so profound that even Frigga, known for her wisdom and understanding of the complexities of love, often bowed to it and acknowledged its significance. It was as if their spirits danced around each other, a beautiful reminder of their past, weaving through the fabric of their present lives, nurturing the belief that some connections, no matter how distant, can withstand the test of time and circumstance.
Thus, their relationship serves as a testament to the intertwined nature of love and knowledge, suggesting that true understanding can only emerge from a deep emotional bond. Odin’s quest transformed into a pilgrimage, one where every step he took was a reflection of both his yearning for her and his pursuit of all-encompassing wisdom.- Mrs. B
Through this journey, they all taught me something invaluable: the importance of perseverance in my quest for balance amidst the chaos of life. I have navigated through a failed marriage, experienced the joy and challenges of raising children, faced profound loss, and endured heartache. Yet, within this tapestry of sorrow and triumph, I also discovered a new love, a renewed sense of hope, which has become an essential part of my story. This love not only brightens my days but also creates a deep connection with someone who transcends the boundaries of everyday life, offering me companionship and understanding, while reminding me that the past, with all its trials, has shaped me into who I am today. This journey continues to unfold, filled with lessons and moments that enrich my experience, as I strive to find harmony within myself and the world around me.
Without them, I would still be searching for my peace within myself, and I would not have come to where I am today within my practice. I credit my journey to Jord & to Odin, but it was Odin who taught me that you can’t have one without the other. You need that balance in all things, a nuanced harmony that permeates existence. Just as Freya is one side of a coin, embodying love, beauty, and creativity, Hecate is the other, representing the mysterious and shadowy aspects of life. Light and Dark exist in both of them; they coexist and inform each other in a dance of duality. But while one breathes life into existence, the other signifies Death, serving as a reminder of the cyclical nature of being. Yet, both are messengers and guides to those who pass into the worlds in between our earthly existence, bridging the gap between realms, and teaching us profound lessons about the interconnectedness of all things. Through their teachings, I have learned that embracing both sides is essential for true understanding and personal growth, guiding me to find a deeper sense of purpose in my life’s journey.
I am spiritually HOME, where the essence of my being finds true resonance. I discovered a profound sense of belonging that transcends the physical realm, and for the first time in my existence, I am enveloped in a serene tranquility that grounds me. This peace is not temporary; it is a deep-rooted connection that fills every part of my soul, allowing me to embrace not only who I am but also the journey that brought me here. In this sacred space, the chaos of the outside world fades away, and I can finally appreciate the beauty of my surroundings and the whispers of my heart.
One thing I have noticed on this journey of mine; It seems my deities like to come in pairs but not always together; they come to me with the strongest of the two presenting first and the other coming softer, as if not to overwhelm. However, it is important to note that the strongest is not always who you would expect. Sometimes it is the one with the strongest connection to me as a practitioner. This dynamic creates a fascinating dance of energy, where the assertiveness of the first deity commands my attention, while the gentler presence of the second lingers in the background, patiently waiting for its moment to shine.
Their presence feels like a balance of power and subtlety, embodying the duality of existence itself. HOWEVER, if I do not listen, they get increasingly louder in their struggle to announce themselves to me, their voices rising in a chorus that shakes the very foundations of my awareness, reminding me that their guidance is both a gift and a responsibility. I often find myself caught in the tension between heeding their call and the distractions of my daily life, realizing that the clarity they offer is only accessible if I am truly present to receive it.
Just as Odin came to me through Jord, it was his adoptive son’s wife that came to me first, a gentle whisper of strength and resolve that graced my presence; then her husband Loki, the trickster, came to me second, his cunning and charm wrapping around me like a playful shroud. Sigyn, like Jord, is often passed over, overlooked by those who fail to perceive the depth of her loyalty and sacrifice. She stands by Loki, her spirit unwavering, often appearing so quiet in her demeanor that people do not seem to realize how powerful she truly is, embodying a resilience that rivals even the greatest warriors. Her subtle influence, like the steady flow of a hidden river, shapes the lives of those around her, guiding and protecting with a grace that often goes unnoticed, yet is crucial to the very balance of the realms she inhabits.
When they came to me, I felt a profound connection, as if Odin himself was smiling down upon us. It was a moment charged with significance, almost as though he had orchestrated this meeting, guiding her towards me with a knowing glint in his eye. The essence of fate tinged the air, and the weight of the Norse gods seemed to envelop us like a warm embrace.
As I reflected on the relationship between Loki and Sigyn, I couldn’t help but draw parallels to my own life. Their bond, which dances between mischief and unwavering loyalty, resonates deeply with the dynamics of my marriage. Just as Loki’s cleverness and playful spirit often lead him into trouble, my husband brings an exuberant charm that can sometimes complicate our lives. Yet in the face of chaos, there is a steadfastness in Sigyn’s love, a reflection of the commitment I feel in my own partnership.
This realization deepened my appreciation for both the mythological connection and the real-life intricacies of love and companionship. It reminded me that relationships, much like the stories of the gods, are woven with threads of joy, struggle, and enduring affection. In that encounter, I understood that the lessons of old still resonate today, guiding us through our own stories with echoes of wisdom from ages past.
I have learned two very important lessons from Odin, about him and Jord, which revolve around the profound concepts of letting go and healing, with strength and wisdom. This journey has allowed me to explore the delicate balance between nurturing my independence and acknowledging the deep roots of my ancestors that ground me. As I reflect on these teachings, I realize that they are not merely philosophical ideas; they are essential life skills that guide me in navigating the complexities of existence.
Then, his next lesson of loyalty, commitment, strength, courage, and balance emerges vividly through the intricate tale of Sigyn and Loki’s story. Their experiences encapsulate the essence of our daily lives, reminding us of the importance of facing challenges together and supporting one another through trials. These narratives remind me that our family is not just bound by blood but also by shared struggles and triumphs, shaping our unique story and illuminating our path as a cohesive unit, united in love and resilience as we move forward together.
If you would like to hear more about my experiences with any of these fascinating deities, let me know, as I would be more than happy to share. Each interaction has been enlightening in its own way, revealing layers of myth and personal connection. I will write up more about Loki and Sigyn tomorrow if time allows, delving deeper into their complex relationship and the significance of their stories in the Norse pantheon, exploring not only their individual characteristics but also the lessons we might glean from their narratives.
Feel free to tell me your own experiences and paths in your journey, I would love to hear from you all.
Thank you, Odin. Thank you, All Father. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for whispering. Thank you for crashing through when you had to.
And thank you, dear reader, for walking beside me on this path.
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Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B
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