Who the hell signed me up for this? Like, seriously. Was there a clipboard going around at some point in the last year that I just didn’t see? A checkbox I accidentally filled in while paying bills or making coffee? Because apparently—I am now in perimenopause.

Yep. I’ve officially entered that strange, hormonal twilight zone between regular human being and why do I suddenly want to cry at a Subaru commercial while simultaneously tearing my clothes off and clinging to my husband like he’s made of chocolate-covered tequila?

Welcome to 42, I guess. My birthday was in March. I thought I had a few more years, you know, time to prepare. To read more books, maybe dive into mindfulness practices, to stock up on herbal allies and organic cotton everything. But nah. My body said, “SURPRISE, BITCH!” and here we are.

It’s like being on a rollercoaster that I didn’t even choose to ride—suddenly, I’m going up and down, mentally and physically. One moment I’m fine, sipping my coffee, and the next, I’m feeling this heat creeping over my body, like I’m on fire from the inside out. And don’t even get me started on the mood swings; it’s as if I’ve got my emotions on shuffle and every random song is playing at full volume.

Now, I find myself reminiscing about my previous youth, thinking about how carefree I once felt. It’s almost comical. I used to think menopause was something that happened to ‘older’ women, not me, sitting here worrying about hot flashes while simultaneously forgetting where I put my keys—again. The ironic twist is that I’m trying to find the humor in what feels like a sitcom played at warp speed.

All the while, I’m Googling everything I can about this phase of life, like it’s some secret that no one bothered to tell me. The surprise packets of information continue to unfold—controlling cravings, mood management, and holistic remedies. I just want to be prepared, but it feels like each day brings a new chapter I didn’t expect.

So here’s to navigating this new journey, a little wobbly, a little wild, and filled with moments of laughter and insight—because if I can’t laugh about it, then what’s the point? Let’s embrace this hormonal chaos together!

Let’s break it down:

• Cold chills? Check. I’m shivering under blankets in the middle of June like I live in the Arctic Circle.
• Hot flashes? Also check. But to be fair, I wasn’t entirely sure they were hot flashes at first. I live in Georgia. It’s already balls-blazing, muggy, sweat-dripping Satan’s armpit weather outside. So naturally, I blamed the heat. But no… turns out it was internal combustion layered on top of southern summer inferno. Delightful.
• Mood swings? Oh, absolutely. I go from peacefully folding laundry to “I WILL FIGHT A TREE” in less than 0.3 seconds.
• Cycles? What cycles? I’m currently on a cycle where there were only 12 days between periods. TWELVE. DAYS. It’s like my uterus is just throwing darts at a calendar and seeing what sticks. And don’t even get me started on my IUD. That little device is just hanging out like, “Ma’am, I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. I was hired for birth control, not to referee hormonal warfare.”

And here’s the part that’s been really messing with me: As someone who lives with PMDD, part of the problem is that with such short gaps between cycles, there’s no recovery window. Normally, there’s a bit of breathing room—time for the nervous system to hit a reset button, find its footing again, and re-enter a more balanced headspace. But now? It feels like being stuck in a loop, where every cycle pushes me deeper into a fog that’s difficult to escape.

There’s no rest, no reset, no “okay, I survived that wave, now I can come up for air.” Instead, it’s an unrelenting barrage of symptoms and emotional turbulence that seems to grow stronger with each passing cycle. It’s like a continuous state of hormonal whiplash and mental fight-or-flight—never knowing if the next emotional spiral is five minutes away or five days late. Each cycle arrives with an unpredictable force, leaving me exhausted, tense, and fighting to maintain some semblance of normalcy. It’s a highly destabilizing experience, with moments of clarity slipping away faster than I can grasp them, rendering the journey even more daunting. EVEN with me using a tracking app to try to make sense of it all.

• Random crying? 100%. Commercials. Music. My dog being too fluffy. My husband looking at me and saying, “I brought you a coffee.” Boom. Tears.
• Speaking of my husband… Let me just say: FERAL. Like, wild-eyed, clingy, can’t-get-enough-of-him energy that is unmistakably captivating. It’s a vibe that fills the room, radiating an intensity that makes every moment together exhilarating and unforgettable. It’s a mood that swings between playful and passionate, consistently leaving me wanting him all the time, craving his presence and the thrill that comes with it. — And truthfully, he isn’t able to keep up at all with the fervor and enthusiasm that he inspires in me, often leaving me in a state of overwhelming frustration.
• Cravings? Surprisingly… not really? Which I guess is a blessing, because if I had to deal with all of this while also fighting the urge to eat a pan of brownies at midnight, I might actually combust. Zepbound is doing the heavy lifting there—keeping the craving monster at bay, and honestly, bless it for that.
• Acne: Yeah, it showed up to the party too… I think it brought some friends with it, like oily ass hair, and Insomnia. Like who the hell am I? Did we revert to being 15 again? It’s been a mad house of hormones and frustration, making me wonder if I need to start a skincare routine from scratch or if this is just one long nostalgic phase. I mean, seriously, why can’t we outgrow these things?

And Brain Fog? How am I supposed to know if it’s from my Fibro, ADHD, autoimmune issues, or this crazy shit going on with my hormones? It feels like I’m constantly navigating a foggy landscape, where each day blends into the next, making me question my clarity and focus. The confusion stems from multiple sources, each vying for my attention and complicating my understanding of what’s truly affecting me. It’s overwhelming to consider how these conditions interweave, leaving me feeling lost and frustrated as I try to pinpoint the cause of my mental haze.

THANK the Gods, I found Mushroom coffee when I did, or else I do think all this would be a 100000000000 times worse than it is right now. Its rich, earthy flavor has not only provided me with the energy boost I’ve desperately needed during these exhausting days, but it has also been a source of comfort and warmth. The calming effects of the mushrooms help to soothe my frayed nerves, making challenging moments feel a bit more manageable. I honestly can’t imagine facing the chaos and uncertainty without my daily ritual of savoring that aromatic cup, which has become my lifeline amidst the storm of stress.

🌀 Am I in Perimenopause or Just Losing It?

(A totally unscientific checklist by Mrs. B)

✅ Have you yelled “WHY IS IT SO DAMN HOT IN HERE?!” while standing next to a fan, under the A/C vent, wearing only a tank top and regret?

✅ Did you cry because a bird landed near you and it just felt so pure?

✅ Did your period show up after 12 days like an uninvited ex at a family BBQ, acting like you’re the one being weird?

✅ Have you Googled “is it possible to be turned on and deeply annoyed at the same time?”

✅ Did you snap at someone for chewing too loud, then immediately feel guilty, then cry, then want to hug them, then leave the room in dramatic silence?

✅ Did you forget what you were saying mid-sentence… while reading this sentence?

✅ Have you mentally planned to fight your IUD in a parking lot for not doing its job lately?

✅ Have your cravings disappeared, but you’re still suspicious, like “What are you planning, body?”

✅ Do you swing from zen earth goddess to raging banshee faster than you can say “hormonal shift”?

✅ Have you said, “This can’t be normal,” at least three times this week before checking WebMD and then closing it immediately?

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Results:
✨ If you checked 3 or more… congrats, babe. You’re on the perimenopause rollercoaster.
✨ If you checked all of them? Welcome to the club. We meet at dusk. Bring tea, chocolate (if your body allows it), and zero expectations.
✨ If you didn’t check any? Either you’re not there yet—or you’ve unlocked some kind of witchy hormone cheat code. Teach us your ways.

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But here is the question I know you are asking…

🌿 How Am I Coping?

Well, not perfectly. But I’m learning.

Here are a few things that have helped me not lose my ever-loving mind lately:

1. Magnesium & Herbal Allies:
Magnesium glycinate has been helping with the mood swings and sleep. I also lean heavily into calming herbs like chamomile, lemon balm, passionflower, and mushrooms when I feel like my nervous system is fried.

2. Nervous System Reset:
Daily meditation (even if it’s five minutes hiding in the bathroom), walking barefoot in the grass, and sipping herbal tea under the moonlight. These are small but powerful acts that tell my body, “You’re safe. You’re held.”

3. Cooling Rituals:
Mint + rosewater spritz on my skin, frozen cucumber slices on my temples, and peppermint oil on the back of my neck during hot flashes = literal lifesavers.

4. Protein & Hormone-Supportive Foods:
Balancing blood sugar has helped the emotional crashes. More lean protein, leafy greens, berries, and flax. I’m not perfect at this (some days it’s just gluten-free toast and prayer), but the effort matters.

5. Tracking Everything:
I’ve started tracking moods, symptoms, dreams, libido, and cravings again using cycle journal. It’s like therapy, but cheaper and with an app.

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🌙 Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’re nodding along with all of this, I’ve put together a beautiful resource just for this wild season of life:

🔮 The Goddess Cycle Mini-Guide
A soft and sacred approach to navigating your cycle—with rituals, nutrition tips, self-care practices, and moon-aligned wisdom for each phase.

Whether you’re cycling regularly, irregularly, or full-on riding the hormonal chaos train like me, this guide will help you reconnect with your body, your intuition, and your inner goddess.

✨ Tap into your divine rhythm
✨ Learn how to support each phase (yes, even the messy ones)
✨ Nourish your mind, spirit, and body—without guilt or overwhelm

I will post it here in a bit for you all.

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Here’s the thing though—while this whole ride has been confusing and overwhelming and messy… it’s also mine. It’s part of my journey as a woman, a spiritual being, a body, a soul. And I refuse to be ashamed of it.

So many of us go through this in silence. We whisper about it behind closed doors or shove it under the rug until it knocks the damn table over. We often feel isolated, as if no one else understands the depth of our struggles or the complexity of our experiences. But not here. Not in this space.

If you’re on this ride with me—whether you’re just stepping onto the platform or screaming from the third loop—I see you. I feel you. I recognize the weight you carry, the questions that swirl in your mind, and the desire for connection and understanding. It’s crucial to create a sanctuary where we can express ourselves without fear of judgment, a space where every emotion is valid and welcomed.

And we are going to talk about it. Honestly. Messily. Humorously. And with all the grace of a slightly overheated goblin goddess who just wants a nap and maybe a margarita. Life doesn’t have to be perfectly polished to be beautiful; sometimes, the messiness is where the magic happens.

More soon on how I’m navigating this with herbs, mindset shifts, spiritual grounding, and probably some midnight rage baking. I want to share the practices that help me find balance amidst chaos, the rituals that ground me when I feel unmoored, and the ways I indulge in creativity as a form of release. Together, we can find strength in our shared journeys and celebrate the triumphs, big and small, on this rollercoaster of life.

Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B