This morning, there was something that caught my eye: a quote on a post that someone had shared. The words resonated deeply with me, sparking my mind with several thoughts that began to cascade and loop around continuously, creating a whirlwind of ideas and reflections. I found myself pondering the significance of the quote, how it relates to my own life experiences, and the broader implications it might have for anyone reading it. The allure of those words was so strong that I couldn’t wait to get to my computer to articulate these evolving thoughts into a coherent post that could inspire others as it had inspired me.

It read:

maybe intimacy isn’t taking off your clothes. maybe it’s taking off your “i’m fine.” maybe it’s being naked in ways
that have nothing to do with skin.

My response to the post was simple: “It’s me being able to unmask comfortably in front of someone.”

There’s a kind of intimacy the world doesn’t talk about enough.
Not the kind wrapped in candlelight and urgency — though that has its beauty — but the quieter kind. The kind that doesn’t need to prove itself, because it simply exists.

It’s the intimacy of unmasking.
Of sitting near someone and letting yourself just be. This form of intimacy thrives in vulnerability, where the masks we wear in everyday life can be set aside, allowing for authentic connection to flourish. It’s in those moments of shared silence and mutual understanding that we find ourselves most at ease, stripped of pretense.

This deeper connection often occurs in the mundane aspects of life: a cozy coffee shop, a shared meal, or a walk in nature, where the noise of the outside world fades away. There’s no rush to fill the air with words; instead, it’s about the comfort of companionship. You can feel your guard lowering, exposing the nuances of your thoughts, fears, and joys without the fear of being judged. It’s an invitation for the other person to do the same, creating a safe space where both parties can reflect and share without the weight of expectations.

Unmasking isn’t merely about revealing one’s self; it’s about mutual trust and an unspoken agreement to be open and genuine. It’s in these shared moments where we develop a deeper understanding of one another’s complexities, transforming a simple interaction into something profoundly meaningful. In this intimacy, we no longer feel alone; instead, we resonate with each other’s experiences, discovering reflections of ourselves in one another.

Ultimately, it’s this quiet intimacy that reminds us of the beauty of human connection, stripped of artifice, and grounded in authenticity. It glows softly against the backdrop of a world that often prioritizes appearance over reality. It’s a reminder that the most profound relationships are those that allow us to shed our layers, revealing the essence of who we truly are.

For me, it often looks like this: I’m curled up on the couch with a coloring book, a novel, or something playing on the TV. My husband is beside me — reading, scrolling, or watching his own show. We aren’t talking. We aren’t doing the same thing. We’re just… here. Together.

Every so often, I’ll reach for him without looking away from my page — my fingers brushing his hand, resting on his arm — just to soothe myself, to remember that he’s right there. I don’t linger long. I return to my page, he returns to his phone, and still, there’s this unshakable thread between us.

As a neurodivergent person living with ADHD, Autism, and OCD, connecting deeply with others isn’t always easy for me. My mind works differently. My social battery can drain quickly. I often mask — performing a more “acceptable” version of myself so I can navigate the world. But when you find someone who truly gets you, who makes you feel safe enough to drop the mask, that intimacy hits differently. It’s rare. It’s sacred.

And if you’re anything like me, there are ways to level up that connection with your person or people. It begins with those simple, unspoken moments that weave a broader tapestry of togetherness.

It’s the ease of walking into the kitchen in the morning, hair a mess, wearing yesterday’s sweatshirt, and being greeted with a smile that says you’re mine without a word spoken. In those tiny moments, you realize that the love is grounded in familiarity and acceptance — a warm assurance that you are seen exactly as you are, even in your most unpolished moments.

It’s sharing a glance across the room when something funny happens, without having to explain why you’re both laughing. This kind of understanding transcends language, illustrating the depth of connection that exists far beneath the surface. There’s joy in shared experience that requires no further commentary, just a sweet acknowledgment that you are both in on the joke.

It’s the comfort of a shared blanket on a cold night, even when you’re watching completely different shows on separate devices. Each flicker of the screen reflects a different story, yet the warmth enveloping you both creates a shared sanctuary, a gentle reminder that togetherness can be effortless, even amidst diversity in interests.

It’s getting ready for the day together, making breakfast in the kitchen, bumping elbows, and knowing it’s a kind of togetherness you wouldn’t trade for anything. The mundane becomes magical in these moments, where routine carries a rhythm that is both soothing and invigorating. It’s a dance of intimacy that doesn’t require flourish; merely the two of you, together in your shared existence.

It’s the quiet routine of making each other coffee without asking — knowing exactly how the other takes it — because you’ve learned each other’s rhythms as naturally as breathing. [ He likes his fresh and black. *makes a face and laughs* ] This knowledge fosters a sense of security and care that is so fundamental in nurturing intimacy. It signifies a commitment to understanding and supporting one another in ways that often go unspoken.

It’s holding hands in the grocery store checkout line. Not because you have to, but because you want to. This simple gesture speaks volumes about connection; it’s a grounding force that conveys loyalty, affection, and belonging. That act of intertwining fingers turns a mundane errand into an experience rich with meaning.

It’s doing chores together — folding laundry, washing dishes — with no romantic music playing, no cinematic backdrop. Just two people sharing space and life. In these shared tasks, the bond strengthens; they become a foundation upon which intimacy flourishes. The small conversations, the laughter over a misplaced sock, the cooperation in each other’s routines, create a life embedded in connection.

It’s the sigh you let out when you collapse next to them after a long day, their hand wordlessly finding yours. It’s in that touch, that unassuming act, where solace resides. The pressures of the day melt away in the sanctuary of one another’s presence; it’s a refuge stitched together by understanding and empathy.

This is not to say that neurodivergent people don’t experience sexual intimacy — some of us do, and then some. But intimacy isn’t always about what happens behind closed doors. There are layers upon layers to it, and many of them exist fully clothed, fully present, and fully seen.

Most neurodivergent people I know don’t take intimacy lightly. We savor it once we find a person or persons who truly get us — with or without our masking. Because for us, intimacy isn’t just about love. It’s about safety. It’s about being known. It’s about being able to exhale, to release the pent-up anxiety that often accompanies social interactions and expectations. In the realm of intimacy, we seek a deep connection that transcends mere physical closeness; we crave understanding, acceptance, and a space free from the capacity to judge or analyze our quirks and differences.

Parallel play, as child development calls it, becomes something tender in adulthood. It’s two lives moving alongside each other — separate yet intertwined — each nourished by the other’s nearness. There’s a beauty in knowing that you can coexist, each pursuing your interests, yet finding solace in the presence of one another. This form of intimacy promotes a sense of security that allows us to lower our guards and embrace vulnerability. In those moments, communication can take many forms, not always verbal. Sometimes, it’s in the gentle brushes of hands, the shared silence that feels comfortable, or the understanding glances that don’t require words at all.

Furthermore, the nuances of intimacy for neurodivergent individuals often mean developing unique ways of connecting. For us, a simple shared activity like drawing, gaming, or even watching a film can evoke intimacy that feels just as rich as more traditional forms. Engaging in these activities can create a rhythm and flow where both individuals feel understood, respected, and valued for who they are. The emotional resonance of these shared experiences can often result in a bond that is profoundly fulfilling and deeply cherished.

In essence, intimacy for neurodivergent individuals embodies a complex tapestry of emotions, actions, and silent agreements that offer a sanctuary away from the overwhelming world outside. It’s a heartfelt connection that nurtures both parties, fostering personal growth, mutual respect, and a celebration of individuality within the bounds of togetherness.

This is love in its softest form — not loud, not urgent, but steady. A love that says:
I don’t need you to perform for me. I don’t need you to fill the silence. I just need you to be here.

And in that, I think, lies one of the purest forms of connection. The kind of connection that blooms in the quiet moments, flourishes in understanding, and stands resilient against the noise of the world outside. It’s a sanctuary that invites you to simply be, to drop the masks, and embrace your genuine selves. In this shared space, there exists a profound intimacy, one that nurtures and propels the spirit forward, enveloping you with the warmth of true companionship.

Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B