Devil’s Tic-Tac with a Side of Bloat
Let me preface this by saying: I am grateful for medicine. Truly. If it weren’t for these tiny miracle pills, I’d probably still be in a pain fog, trying to convince myself that crawling to the bathroom is “just part of the journey.” But hot damn, y’all—nobody warned me that prednisone would turn me into a bloated, ragey, snack-hunting moon-face monster with the emotional stability of a toddler after cake.
It’s as if these pills came with an unexpected side effect of turning my moods into a thrilling roller coaster ride; one minute, I’m ready to take on the world, and the next, I’m wallowing in the depths of frustration and tears over the smallest inconveniences. The cravings that surge through me feel insatiable, driving me to raid the pantry at odd hours, scavenging for chips, cookies, or anything sugary to quell the chaos within. Perhaps the most surreal aspect of this whole experience is the way my reflection in the mirror has become a kind of stranger, as I try to reconcile the puffy cheeks and the unsettling emotions with the person I used to see before starting this treatment.
So here’s a love-hate letter to that tiny, chalky devil I affectionately call The Puffinator.
Prednisone isn’t a new medication for me; rather, it is a medication that I have been taking on and off for the past 10 years, adapting to the needs of my body over time. The journey has been a long one, marked by numerous challenges, including a variety of side effects that have significantly impacted my day-to-day life. There have been moments of intense physical pain that seemed unending, alongside emotional turmoil that often felt overwhelming. Each time I faced the decision to return to Prednisone, I found myself grappling with uncertainty, weighing the potential benefits against the inevitable drawbacks. It has become a cyclical process of introspection, as I continually ask myself when and if it is truly the right time to go back on it, constantly navigating the fine line between managing my health and coping with the repercussions that accompany this powerful medication.
The “Magic” Pill
At first, it is kind of magical. You’re exhausted, joints are screaming, and you feel like you’ve been hit by a celestial dump truck—and then? Enter prednisone, the holy grail of autoimmune quick-fixes. Suddenly, you’ve got energy! You’re doing laundry at 2 a.m.! You’re organizing closets! You might even attempt a Pinterest recipe again!
But behind the scenes, a war is brewing. A war between your self-esteem and your stomach, a constant battle that rages on as you confront the daily choices of what to eat. Your self-esteem tells you to embrace healthy habits, to nourish your body with wholesome foods that uplift your spirit and contribute to your well-being. Meanwhile, your stomach, driven by cravings and the temptations of indulgent treats, often pulls you towards quick fixes and comfort foods that provide momentary satisfaction. This internal struggle is not merely about food; it reflects deeper issues of self-worth, discipline, and the desire for pleasure, creating a complex interplay that can leave you feeling torn and conflicted. As you navigate through this intricate landscape, it’s crucial to find a balance that honors both your physical needs and your emotional health, acknowledging the war that exists while striving for harmony.
Bloat Like a Butterfly, Cry Like a Bee
Let’s talk about the bloat. Ohhh the bloat. It sneaks up on you like a fart in yoga class. One minute you’re slipping on your go-to leggings, the next you’re trying to decide if maternity pants are really that taboo if you’re not pregnant but your body thinks it is.
Everything swells. Ankles? Cankles. Fingers? Sausages. Face? Welcome to Moonville, population: You. I once caught my reflection in a window and thought, “Who is that round-faced cherub?” Oh. It me. The transformation is so surreal, as if I’ve entered a cartoonish realm where every curve and bulge exaggerates my existence, and I can’t help but chuckle at my inflated appearance. Even my cheeks seem to have a personality of their own, puffing up in delight as if they’re relishing the attention. I wonder if there’s a quirky parade in this whimsical town that celebrates all things lovely and round, where we can flaunt our features like badges of honor, basking in the joyful absurdity of it all.
And if that weren’t enough, there’s the eating. I’m talking “eat your feelings and then eat about your feelings” levels of hunger that can feel all-consuming and relentless. It’s like an insatiable beast within, demanding to be fed, and no matter how much I consume, the craving just seems to expand. I could devour a box of cereal and still be eyeing the dog’s treats like, what’s in those anyway? (Chicken? Crunchy? High protein? Don’t tempt me.) The thought of those little snacks becomes almost hypnotic, as if they’re calling my name. I find myself daydreaming about them, imagining the textures and flavors that might satisfy this deep-rooted yearning. I swear to you it is sometimes worse than “Weed Munchies”! It can be a truly devastating moment to be caught up in it, spiraling into the abyss of endless cravings, where every bite taken only fuels the fire, leaving me in a state of both physical fullness and emotional emptiness.
As a person who has always struggled with their weight and self-image, this becomes a fight that you don’t always see yourself winning or seeing a better solution to help you deal with the symptoms of a flare you are faced with. The constant battle against societal expectations and personal insecurities can feel overwhelming, leaving you trapped in a cycle of frustration. Each day presents new challenges, as you navigate the complexities of maintaining a healthy lifestyle while also coping with emotional turmoil. You may find yourself searching for answers, whether through diet changes, exercise regimens, or seeking support from professionals, yet the road often feels lonely and arduous. The awareness of your struggle can lead to a deeper understanding of the importance of mental well-being, making it essential to prioritize self-care and foster resilience in the face of adversity. In this journey, finding hope and creating a supportive community can help illuminate the path toward a more positive self-image and overall improvement in well-being.
Did you know, you can find support groups on Facebook and join communities of individuals just like you? These groups provide a space for sharing experiences, receiving advice, and connecting with others who understand the challenges you face. Engaging with members of these communities can help foster a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation. Whether you’re looking for emotional support, resources, or just a friendly chat, these online communities can be invaluable in your journey towards healing and growth. Plus, the diversity of groups available means you can find one that aligns perfectly with your interests and needs.
Prednisone & The Photo Diary I Didn’t Mean to Start
Here’s a little plot twist. I’ve been documenting the bloating and body changes since my most recent flare-up started back in November—not to shame myself or obsess over my body, but because I genuinely needed to track what the hell was going on. At first, it was part curiosity, part “is this normal?” and part “maybe this’ll help me understand my triggers.”
But here we are months later, and it turns out I’ve unintentionally created a visual timeline for my new Rheumatologist. So yes, Doc, if you’re reading this—I brought the receipts. And yes, I do have a bloated selfie folder on my phone, and no, I’m not deleting it. This is body journaling for the chronic illness era, okay?
Ebb, Flow, and Emotional Whiplash
But the worst part isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. There are days you feel like a badass warrior queen, slaying chronic illness like it’s your job. And then—WHAM!—you’re crying in the Target parking lot because someone cut you off in the Starbucks drive-thru. [ For me it is more like a Thrift store & Wendy’s Sweet Tea ]
Prednisone has an emotional range that would make Shakespeare dizzy. I’ve gone from manic giggles to ugly crying in the span of a single Disney movie, feeling like a character trapped in a whirlwind of intense emotions. One moment, I’m laughing uncontrollably, reveling in the whimsical adventures of the characters, and the next, I’m overwhelmed, tears streaming down my face as the poignant moments hit me hard. (Thanks a lot, Moana.) It’s as if the film unlocks a floodgate of feelings, revealing an emotional spectrum I can hardly contain, leaving me both exhilarated and exhausted. Don’t get me started on animal welfare commercials….. Cue Sarah McLachlan circa 1997 with Arms of an Angel.
On top of that, when my hormones get in the mix, sometimes I feel as though I am losing my mind, experiencing emotional highs and lows that can be incredibly overwhelming. Thank goodness for my IUD, which plays a crucial role in keeping the PMDD in check; it significantly alleviates some of the symptoms I face. Without it, I honestly don’t think I could navigate the turbulent hormonal and prednisone mood fluctuations that often feel like riding a rollercoaster without a safety harness. The emotional turmoil can be so intense that simple daily tasks seem insurmountable, but with the support of my IUD, I find a bit of stability amidst the chaos, allowing me to reclaim some semblance of normalcy in my life.
And don’t even get me started on tapering. That’s like trying to get off caffeine, wine, and Instagram all at once, all while navigating the tumultuous waters of everyday life. Your body’s like, “We were THRIVING—what is this betrayal?” It’s as if each sudden change sends shockwaves through your system, leading to a cacophony of side effects. Cue flare-ups, withdrawal, and an inner monologue that reads like a bad breakup letter, filled with nagging doubts and regret. Each day feels like a painstaking battle, where cravings and temptations lurk around every corner, reminding you of the comfort you’re leaving behind. The mind plays tricks, longing for the instant gratification that these vices once provided, while you try to remind yourself of the reasons for this drastic shift. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, bouncing between hope and despair, as you fight to reclaim your connection to a healthier version of yourself.
THEN THERE IS THE REBOUND!
Something that no one really talks about. The concept of prednisone rebound is crucial for understanding how our bodies react after tapering off this corticosteroid medication. When a patient stops taking prednisone suddenly or reduces the dosage too quickly, they may experience a resurgence of the underlying condition, which can sometimes be more severe than the original symptoms.
This phenomenon raises an important question: what is prednisone rebound? It refers to the flare-up of symptoms that might occur due to the body’s adjustment to the withdrawal of the medication. This reaction often happens when a patient who has been on prednisone—a corticosteroid used to reduce inflammation and suppress the immune system—suddenly stops taking the medication or significantly reduces their dosage. As the body attempts to regain balance and function without the aid of steroids, it can lead to an exacerbation of the original condition for which the medication was prescribed, as well as other withdrawal symptoms. Understanding prednisone rebound is crucial for both patients and healthcare providers, as it can influence the strategy for tapering off the medication and highlight the importance of careful management during the withdrawal process.
Can you prevent it? Yes, careful monitoring and a gradual tapering schedule can significantly reduce the likelihood of experiencing these rebound effects, ensuring a smoother transition and better management of symptoms during the discontinuation process. This proactive approach involves close cooperation with a healthcare provider, who can assist in developing an individualized plan tailored to the specific circumstances and the type of medication being discontinued. By regularly assessing progress and adjusting the tapering schedule as needed, individuals can better navigate the challenges that may arise, ultimately leading to a more sustainable and manageable recovery phase. Furthermore, incorporating supportive practices such as mindfulness, therapy, and lifestyle adjustments can enhance emotional stability and resilience, serving as crucial tools for individuals facing this change.
Still Standing (Bloated, but Brave)
But here’s the thing, my fellow warriors—we survive it. We ride the waves of discomfort and uncertainty that life throws our way. We adjust, we adapt, and we make space for the days when our bodies feel foreign, as if they have transformed overnight into something unrecognizable. And we sure as hell don’t let the bloat define our worth; it’s merely a fleeting moment, not a reflection of who we are. We slap on that concealer to mask the fatigue, pop in a peppermint tea to soothe our troubled bellies, and strut our swollen ankles through the day like the resilient, radiant rebels we are, embracing our strength and grace, while unapologetically owning our journey, celebrating each small victory along the way.
I might be puffy, prone to tears, and obsessively snacking—but I’m also showing up for myself every damn day, embracing each moment with resilience, even when it feels tough. I recognize that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, and I allow myself the grace to experience those emotions fully. And if you are too? You’re doing amazing, sweetie, because acknowledging our struggles is a step towards healing, and together we can navigate this journey, celebrating the small victories and learning to appreciate the process.
I share all this not just for catharsis (though let’s be honest, ranting is therapy), but because I hope—truly hope—that if you’re reading this, you’ll hold a little more compassion in your heart. For me, yes. But more importantly? For yourself. Because this journey is already hard enough without the added weight of shame, judgment, or comparison. Life’s challenges can often feel overwhelming, and in those moments of struggle, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves or to dismiss our own feelings. Yet, it’s crucial to recognize that we all face battles unique to our circumstances. Embracing compassion can transform our perception not only of our experiences but also of our ability to heal and grow. We deserve kindness in the face of adversity, and by nurturing this understanding, we cultivate a more supportive environment not only for us but also for those around us.
We are works-in-progress and warriors-in-motion, and that deserves so much grace. Each day, as we navigate the complexities of our lives, we embody resilience and growth, learning from our mistakes while celebrating our triumphs. In this journey, it is essential to acknowledge that our imperfections do not define us; instead, they contribute to our unique stories, fueling our determination to persevere. It is in this intricate dance of striving and evolving that we find strength, compassion, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. Embracing this state of becoming allows us to extend grace not just to ourselves, but to those around us, fostering a community built on empathy and support.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go cry at a dog video and eat a sleeve of rice cakes… well not really, now since starting the Zepbound, the mental food noise is there but it’s not as loud. It surprisingly feels liberating to focus on my emotions instead of my cravings. As I engage with the uplifting footage of fluffy pups, I find solace in their innocent joy, which reminds me that it’s okay to embrace my own vulnerability. Every tear shed brings me closer to my authentic self. Because healing is messy, and I’m here for all of it, willingly navigating through the chaos and confusion, understanding that each step I take on this journey is leading me to a brighter tomorrow.
Feel free to leave a comment and share your journals or journey with me; I would love to hear from you beautiful souls. Your stories, experiences, and thoughts are valuable, and I believe that every journey deserves to be celebrated. Whether it’s the highs or the lows, every part of your story contributes to the tapestry of our shared experiences. Let’s connect and support each other in this beautiful journey of life, where each comment could spark inspiration and bring us closer together.
Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B 💜🌙
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