How to Support a Loved One with Chronic Illness (Without Losing Your Mind or Theirs)
Because casseroles are nice, but compassion is better

Hey there, soul tribe!

Let’s talk about something near and dear to many of our spoons — chronic illness and chronic pain. Whether your bestie has fibro, your partner is navigating an autoimmune rollercoaster, or your mom’s joints are basically throwing a year-round tantrum — one thing’s for sure: support makes a massive difference.

And if you’re the friend, family member, or sweet soul trying to figure out how to help (without being overbearing or accidentally saying that one thing that makes us want to throw a heating pad at you), this post is for you.

Let’s break it down with some straight-up truth, do’s, don’ts, and a sprinkle of wit — Unconventional Momma style. 💁‍♀️✨

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🧡 DO: Ask what they need. Like, actually ASK.

Don’t assume your spoonie pal wants soup, silence, or a snuggle. Chronic illness is a highly individual ride — think Choose Your Own Adventure, but the monster is inflammation.

Try this:
👉 “Hey love, is there something I can do for you today that would actually help?”
👉 “Want me to come over and fold laundry while we watch trash TV?”
👉 “Need a distraction or some space?”

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❌ DON’T: Try to fix them.

This isn’t a leaky faucet, babe. You cannot yoga, essential oil, or positive-vibe someone out of a medical diagnosis. Yes, wellness hacks can support, but please don’t hit us with, “Have you tried cutting out gluten and doing Reiki while standing on one leg?” unless we ask for advice.

Instead:
✨ Hold space.
✨ Be present.
✨ Let them vent, ugly cry, or zombie-nap — judgment-free.

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🧡 DO: Learn a little about their illness.

You don’t need a medical degree (unless that’s your thing), but taking five minutes to Google “endometriosis” or “POTS” or “Ehlers-Danlos” can mean the world to someone who’s tired of explaining why they can’t just “push through.”

Extra credit: Learn spoon theory.
(Spoiler: It’s not about actual spoons, but if you bring a cute one over filled with herbal tea, we’ll still love you.)

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❌ DON’T: Compare their experience to your sore back that one time.

It’s not a competition. Chronic illness isn’t a bad day; it’s every day. And your third-cousin’s miracle cure? Not helpful unless it’s been peer-reviewed or came from a legitimate doctor (not a guy in a fedora selling crystals out of his van — and I say that as someone who loves a good crystal).

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🧡 DO: Celebrate the small wins with them.

Some days, getting out of bed is the equivalent of climbing Everest in flip-flops. So if your loved one showered, went for a walk, or managed to fold that one laundry pile from three weeks ago — throw confetti, baby.

Cheer them on.
Celebrate gently.
And maybe light a victory candle (scent-free, please — sensitivities are real).

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❌ DON’T: Guilt them into interacting or showing up.

Here’s the real tea: it’s not that we don’t want to do things with you — in fact, it’s the opposite. We do. Our hearts want to connect, adventure, laugh, and love — but sometimes, our bodies just tap out.

We struggle with our own basic tasks some days — like getting up, showering, or figuring out how to feed ourselves something that isn’t cereal out of a mug. It’s not because we don’t care about you. It’s not because we don’t love you.

So if we say “I can’t today,” please, don’t make us feel bad about it. Guilt is heavy, and we’re already carrying a lot. And when guilt starts to seep in, it can cause a real rift. We retreat. We isolate. We feel like a burden. That’s not good for anyone.

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🧡 DO: Show up without judgment — even if the place looks like a tiny tornado passed through.

Chronic illness doesn’t come with a cleaning service. Sometimes the dishes stack up. Sometimes laundry multiplies like a gremlin. If you pop by and things are a little messy or unorganized — don’t judge.

Instead, be in the moment. Be kind.
✨ Sit down.
✨ Ask how they’re really doing.
✨ Offer to help — even if it’s just “Wanna tackle one thing together while we catch up?”

Trust me, that kind of support means more than a thousand “let me know if you need anything” texts.

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💡 Fun Tip: Create a Spoonie Survival Box

Want to go the extra mile? Put together a lil’ care package. Think:

• Epsom salts
• Fuzzy socks
• A heartfelt note
• A heat pack
• Herbal tea
• A “get out of adulting free” card

Trust me, it’s better than flowers. Unless they’re lavender. And dried. In a sachet. That you made yourself. Just kidding. Kind of.

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Final Word from This Chronic Illness Warrior

We don’t want pity. We don’t need fixing. We just want love, understanding, and maybe someone to hold our hand while we scream into the void (or a pillow, depending on the day).

Be our cheerleader. Our advocate. Our comic relief.
And don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. You can’t pour from an empty chalice, my magical friend.

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Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B 💜

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Want to share this with someone who could use a loving nudge? Hit that share button like it owes you a nap and a heating pad.

Need more spoonie wisdom or just want to vent in a safe space? Come hang out with me in the LunaOwl: The Unconventional Momma circle — we’re weird, wild, and wonderfully supportive. 🦉🌙