Sometimes you go in expecting certain answers from a doctor about what something may or might be. I thought the pain I’ve been having for years under my shoulder blade — pain that’s recently become more frequent and intense — was going to be something simple. Nerve, tendon, ligament… something along those lines. But nooooo, it couldn’t be that simple. Nothing ever is with my body.

You know those moments when life just decides to throw one more thing at you? Yeah, that’s me right now. At this point, I’m convinced my body is playing some kind of deranged game of medical bingo. It’s like I’ve drawn the short straw in some cosmic lottery. One minute, I’m navigating daily life, and the next, I’m swamped by this nagging pain that refuses to budge. Each time I think I’ve figured out what’s going on, it alights on yet another unexpected twist.

Like—WTF body, can you please just chill out for once? No? Cool. Fine. My schedule has now rotated around doctor appointments and tests, all while I jot down my symptoms, trying to piece together this puzzle. The anticipation is exhausting, and the uncertainty only adds to it. I find myself researching symptoms late into the night, convincing myself I have every condition imaginable and wondering if this is just my life now. The joy of expecting answers feels more like a desperate plea to my body to just give me a break. Instead, here I am, riding the rollercoaster of frustration and confusion, hoping that maybe, just maybe, the next appointment will bring that elusive clarity I’m yearning for.

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🎟 Free Space: Pain!

Thoracic Scoliosis — Oh, just a mild form of scoliosis in my thoracic vertebrae.
Say what now? Yep. My spine apparently wanted to get creative. First, the cervical spine said, “Nah, I don’t really need a curve, we’ll just keep it flat.” And now the thoracic spine is over here like, “Hold my beer — I’m just gonna lean about 20 degrees to the right and call it a day.”
That little lean presses on nerves, which explains the lovely pain under my shoulder blade. Sometimes, it feels like a persistent reminder that my body is determined to keep me on my toes. The discomfort has become a constant companion, flickering in and out like a faulty light bulb. And the shoulder on that side? Thriving. A real character. Nothing wrong with it at all, The reality of scoliosis has opened my eyes to the importance of body awareness and the need to listen to what my body is telling me, even when it gets a little too dramatic for my liking.

The kicker? They haven’t even said what to do about the scoliosis. No treatment plan, no guidance—just, “Yep, it’s there.” Super helpful, right?

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🔔 Bingo Square: Old Tumor Cameo

Move down the card and—surprise!—we find a tumor no one’s looked at in nearly a decade, hanging out like an uninvited guest at the worst party. Below that? A delightful clusterfuck of herniated discs, a spinal fusion, and significant narrowing of my spinal column. It’s quite remarkable, really, how something so serious can be left unattended for so long, almost as if it were waiting patiently for its moment under the spotlight.

Tomorrow I’m headed in for another MRI (with and without contrast) to try to finally locate this elusive tumor and get eyes on it for the first time in ten years. Yep. Let that sink in: no one has looked at it since they first found it. The gravity of this situation weighs heavily on me, stirring a mix of anxiety and hope as I prepare for the scan. Not for my lack of trying — more like a lot of pain and a lot of dismissal.

Every appointment, every interaction, feels like pushing against an insurmountable wall of resistance. Doctors often focus on the symptoms without delving into the underlying issue, and I’ve been caught in a cycle of treatments that address the visible problems but neglect the root cause. Now, I find myself questioning if the body I’ve trusted to heal itself can still rise up to the challenge posed by this long-forgotten specter.

This MRI could be the turning point, a new chapter in a story that has dragged on for far too long. I hold on to the hope that finally, after all these years, there will be answers, direction, and maybe even a plan of action to confront this long-neglected guest who has overstayed its welcome in my life.

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🎯 Next Round: Pelvic Arthritis!

Drop down to the S1 and into my pelvis, where there’s more narrowing and a significant presence of arthritis that exacerbates my discomfort. This condition creates a constant ache that radiates through my lower back and onto my hips, making even the simplest movements feel cumbersome and painful. So yes — I literally am a pain in my own ass, grappling with this relentless burden that affects not just my physical well-being but also my overall quality of life.

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🌀 Wild Card: “Mechanical Problems” (or not?)

Right now the consensus is these are mechanical problems — the kind that come from injury, genetics, and age-progressive wear-and-tear that accumulate over time and gradually take a toll on both the body and mind. Or at least that’s what they think. Who knows if something else is at play? It very well could be, considering the complex interplay of various factors that affect health. Couple that with my autoimmune issues, which add another layer of difficulty and unpredictability, and it’s the kind of cocktail that makes a sane person want to toss in a towel in frustration and despair. The combination of these factors can feel overwhelming, as if I’m fighting a battle on multiple fronts, each one contributing to an ever-growing sense of weariness. But then again—no one ever claimed I was sane, and perhaps it’s that very unorthodox mindset that enables me to keep pushing through despite the challenges.

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🏆 Jackpot? Nope, Just More Tests

For now, I’m keeping my focus on the MRI, on pushing for real answers that can illuminate the path ahead, and on making sure my voice is heard throughout this often overwhelming process. Advocacy has become as much a part of my healthcare as the tests themselves, becoming a crucial element in how I navigate this complex system. If I don’t speak up, if I don’t press for follow-ups and insist on clarity, the dismissals and unanswered questions just keep piling up, creating a heavy weight of frustration and uncertainty. It feels disheartening at times, yet I understand that this struggle is necessary; without it, I risk my concerns being overlooked entirely. And honestly, none of us should have to fight that hard to be taken seriously in matters concerning our own health and wellbeing. We all deserve the right to advocate fiercely for ourselves, to demand the respect and attention that our situations warrant, and to ensure that we are truly heard in our quest for understanding and care.

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✨ Holding on Anyway

So yes, my body might be playing medical bingo with scoliosis, herniated discs, arthritis, tumors, and more — but I’m still here. I’m still standing, still fighting, still writing, and still refusing to give up. My spine may be twisted, narrowed, and fused, but my spirit isn’t. And that’s one thing no diagnosis can touch.

Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B