For the first time in what feels like forever—okay, eight long months, but who’s counting? — I can finally say: I’m starting to feel like me again. Not the “pushing through every moment” me who simply went through the motions of life, weary and weighed down by burdens unseen. Not the “trying to keep it together while everything hurts” me, masking pain with forced smiles and empty laughter. Instead, I am reconnecting with the essence of who I truly am—the vibrant me who laughs deeply, dances freely, flirts playfully, and feels light as a feather, even if just for a little while. It’s as if a fog has cleared, revealing colors more vivid and moments more precious. I can hear the music that used to inspire me, the kind that makes you want to move, sing, and celebrate life itself. Every little joy, every shared smile, and even the simplest pleasures feel like triumphs rediscovered, reminding me that there is still magic to be found in the everyday.

It’s been a long, winding road through foggy thoughts, crushing exhaustion, and body-wide pain that seemed unending. My mind was clouded, filled with a haze that dulled the vibrancy of life, while my mood was low, muffled by the weight of my struggles. I didn’t recognize the reflection in the mirror — physically or emotionally — as the person staring back felt like a stranger, lost in the depths of despair. Yet, amidst the turmoil, there is a flicker of hope emerging; but slowly, steadily, something is shifting within me, a subtle awakening that ignites a renewed sense of purpose and possibility, encouraging me to confront each day with a burgeoning resilience.

I have to give some serious credit to Tremfya and Zepbound — they’ve been the game-changers in my treatment plan. While nothing is perfect (and probably never will be), my energy is creeping back in. The brain fog? Starting to lift. Mood? Noticeably brighter. And yes — the weight is dropping [20 lbs altogether and 10 of those lbs are from Zepbound], my body is finally responding in ways it hasn’t in years. There’s still pain (and probably always will be), but it’s dulled just enough to let me live a little more.

I also can’t ignore how much of this shift comes from feeding my body better — literally. I’ve been working on adding more protein, fiber, fruits, and veggies into my daily routine in ways that feel doable and nourishing. Even on the days when I’m not hungry (and those are more common than people realize), I’ve been making a real effort to at least cover two meals a day when I can remember, ensuring that I set aside time for proper nourishment despite my busy schedule. No more pushing through the entire day and then only eating once I’m starving — because yeah, that was a habit, and it was doing me zero favors. I’ve discovered that this mindful approach not only supports my physical health but also contributes to better mental clarity throughout the day.

When I can’t “chew to eat”, I do protein shakes or smoothies, as they offer a convenient way to sneak in some nutrients without the effort of a full meal. Smoothie bowls also work well, allowing for creative toppings and textures, along with yogurt bowls packed with probiotics, overnight oats that can be prepped in advance, and chia pudding that provides that delightful burst of energy I often need. All the while making sure that there is extra protein, vitamins, and fiber added to all of them, I’ve noticed that my energy levels have stabilized, and I feel much more focused and ready to tackle my day-to-day challenges.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still juggling Prednisone, with its delightful combo of swelling and insomnia, which makes each day a unique challenge. The fight isn’t over, and some days still knock me down hard, leaving me feeling exhausted and frustrated. Yet, through this ongoing battle, I’ve come to realize that resilience is built not just in the moments of triumph, but also in how quickly I bounce back. I’m not staying down as long; I’m learning to adapt and push through the discomfort, finding strength in small victories. And that’s everything in this journey of mine— the recognition that although the struggle is real, I have the power to keep moving forward and to embrace each moment, regardless of how tough it may be.

And while I know I’ll never be 100% again — not in the way I used to define it, and having a chronic illness means I will deal with this battle the rest of my life — I’ve made peace with that. I’ve found comfort in the good stretches, the good days, and those soul-deep moments of peace. The kind where happiness fills the halls of my home, where the sun warms my skin through the window as I dance slowly, barefoot, in baggy pants, with my hair in a messy bun. My husband wraps his arms around me, swaying to the music, and we hold onto the love, light, playful banter, and happiness of the moment.

I am grateful. I am blessed by the universe in those moments where everything else fades into the background, and it’s only us — our little family — and our dogs softly snoring in the background, making this space not just a house, but a home. It fills me with an overall happiness and light that words barely touch.

I believe Freya & Frigga came together and kissed our home last night — gently, lovingly — embracing us in their arms as joy filled every inch of our space. The air was filled with a warmth that wrapped around us like a soft blanket, inviting us to relax and bask in the serenity they brought. Each corner of our abode seemed to shimmer with their divine light, illuminating our hearts with a sense of hope and wonder. As the night deepened, we could almost hear the whispers of their laughter, and our own, as it began echoing through the rooms, filling the silence with a melody that seemed timeless, reminding us of the beauty that surrounds us and the love that nurtures our lives.

Something simple and magical happened in that moment — I cooked dinner with my husband. Actually cooked. We had music playing softly in the background, our favorite tunes swirling around us, laughter bouncing off the walls like a warm embrace, and inside jokes flying between us like the sparks of connection that fueled our bond. The kitchen became our dance floor, where spontaneous dancing punctuated our culinary adventure, igniting joy in every step we took together. There was a playful teasing as we stirred the pot, a shared glance that made my heart flutter, and yes, a little flirting that reminded us how it feels to be young and in love. As the aromas filled the air, weaving around us, it was just dinner, but to me, it was everything—an evening woven with love, giggles, and the beauty of simple moments that felt profoundly special.

At one point, I leaned into him and softly asked, “Can you tell I’m feeling a bit better? More like me?”

He looked at me with that sweet, knowing smile and said,
“I can, and you do seem to be getting there for sure.”

I walked over to him, putting my arms around his neck, pushing up on my tiptoes a bit, and kissed him gently with our three-kiss routine. The first kiss was soft and sweet, igniting a spark of warmth between us. The second kiss lingered a moment longer, as I felt his breath mingling with mine, a quiet connection that only we understood. And finally, the third kiss, a playful peck that made us chuckle, echoing the joy in our hearts. [ YES, three kisses, it always has to be three. LOL]

That quiet moment said more than a thousand test results ever could, whispering the unspoken truths and emotions that lay beneath the surface, revealing a depth of understanding that mere numbers and statistics could never encapsulate. It was in that stillness that the weight of the world lifted, allowing for a connection that transcended the clinical, showcasing the profound journey of human experience hidden within the confines of data.

So here I am — not fully “back,” whatever that even means anymore — but finding my rhythm again, piece by piece. Reclaiming bits of myself that I thought I’d lost for good, like forgotten treasures buried under layers of doubt and anxiety. It feels liberating to rediscover those aspects of my personality that brought me joy and fulfillment, reminding me of who I really am. I recognize that the path ahead will still have twists and turns, filled with unexpected challenges and moments of growth, but for now, I’m celebrating this stretch of road. Embracing the small victories and cultivating gratitude for the journey itself allows me to move forward with hope and resilience, ready to face whatever comes next.

To those walking similar paths: hold on. The fog lifts, even if just a little at a time, revealing glimpses of the clarity that lies ahead. Each tiny step forward, no matter how insignificant it may seem, brings you closer to the light. The journey may be daunting, shrouded in uncertainty and doubt, but remember that even the thickest fog cannot obscure the sun forever. Trust in the process, and have faith that brighter days will emerge through perseverance and hope.

Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B