Oh, the struggles, one faces when you have autoimmune issues. Sometimes the desire to want to do more, to be more, to complete your tasks that you have set aside for yourself and it all seems so daunting. I feel so lost sometimes and it can be hard to push past the blocks, mentally and physically. I think part of my issue is that I have SO many things that I desire to do, so many adventures I wish to take, that I over exhaust myself when I am starting to feel better.

I am always pushing to be the best mom and wife I can be in the process of it all, and before I know it, I am left exhausted and worn out. I need to learn to balance more on good days, so I do not wear myself down so quickly. I need to remember that sometimes the best thing I can do for my self and those around me is to pace everything. Slow down and manifest what I truly need, a better me. In this post we are going to talk about different ways of feeling lost, pushing past that feeling, and manifesting the best possible you.

August is one of those months that seems to drown my entire family, at least for a little while. So many losses have happened over the years and so much pain just seemed to have some of us stuck in this never ending sea of loss, so much so that I think there were a few that may have even lost sight of what it meant to be a family. What it meant to support one another and help dreams be nurtured. Some may have lost their way emotionally, professionally, physically, and even a bit spiritually.

It is hard to watch your family falter in these ways, and not just the family within your home but those outside of it as well. Parents, siblings, extended family this includes every little piece of it. Each part of the unit has its own unique role with the the family dynamic and if you lose one, it can alter that dynamic sometimes forever.

With that being said, I think that this year was my chance to try and change a few things about August as a whole. Siblings reached out more, a wedding occurred, and an old dream was made new. I think I may have helped some dreams of these few come into focus. I think I may have helped them break free and find something new to focus on. I think I may have finally helped them to push past some of the heart ache and pain that was haunting them for years. At least I hope I have.

I keep saying to myself and repeating it over and over, making it my mantra for this remaining part of the year.

It is part of pushing myself to be the better person, the stronger person, the better example for my children in the long run. I have to PUSH, push harder, but not to my breaking point. Push against the resistance not only within myself at times but with others. I have to PUSH to let my voice be heard, my dreams come true, and push to bring them into fruition as I have done for others around me.

So what have I been up to? Well, writing scripts for upcoming podcast, learning some new equipment to make them better. Writing on some new books, building something that I hope will be a legacy for my children, and trying to find a new avenue for money. I am working on manifesting my pathway, working with my muses, and attempting to create something bold, beautiful and new. Not only for my self professionally but spiritually and emotionally.

Though my family may not see my spiritualty the way they see there own, one thing we can all agree on, is that it is important t focus on inner peace and balance. I know, I know you hear me say that a lot. But it is times like the past few months when I have been in this funk of mine that it really has been needed the most. Though a struggle to maintain, sometimes when energy is at an all time low, it can be what is needed the most in those moments.

Usually this would mean be going out an enjoying nature, however, we had to put a hold on our hiking. The heat and humidity of Georgia summer, really weighed my body down. It got to where it was hard for me to breathe, even if we started early in the day.

So I had to find another way of reaching it, other ways of finding my peace while staying inside, maintaining my meds and my health. No one wanted me to have a set back or a flareup. So we adjusted the meds, changed the frequency, upped one, started cooking more and I started writing more.

Funny, how something as simple as cooking can bring one peace, it is one of the things I enjoy doing. I started making 14 day budget meal plans [which I will share in another post] for our family to help with my diet changes and well the reduced income, after all I had to give up my job due to my health. But things are looking promising in that area, and even though we MAY have some new income coming in soon, I think we will stick to doing the 14 day meal plans. It is something we look forward to.

So, I sit here, writing, listening to music, finding my center, in a less physical way but still immensely important. It in no way diminishes me and allows me to keep my balance without overly exerting myself too much. I have to remind myself, that I too have dreams that are just as important as those dreams around me. And while it is hugely satisfyingly to help others succeed, that I also need to work on my on success.

I will manifest my dreams just as you can manifest yours, it does mean that you have to work for them though, even though one manifests you still have to put in the effort. Dreams never come true without the work, the labor or the love put into them.

FALL IS COMING and with it there are new possibilities, new avenues that have yet to be discovered, new adventures to be had, and with that hopefully some of my manifestations will come to fruition. I have plans to venture back up to North Ga and hike more in the fall temps- body willing, visit some orchards, wineries, and support some other local artists and farms.

Above all my goal is to spend as much time with our kids as possible these next few years, they are all getting ready to leave the nest and venture out on there own. It makes me sad, but at the same time makes me proud. I know I have done my part to help raise these three individuals into decent, kind, caring human beings and for that I find comfort.

I just hope that all my work and my efforts to create a legacy they can one day call their own, if they want to, will work out. That they will forever have a piece of me to pass on for future generations. OH! And that one day we will have our dream farm, that we can also pass down. But for right now, it is small baby steps, building the foundations, and building the networks from which we must all learn and grow.

I think, I am finally learning to listen to my body more, to my soul, and to my heart. Let me tell you, it has been a hard and long journey to get here. Despite, everything around me in the past, despite my struggles I have faced, I am here and my story continues. I hope that this finds you all well, and that if you have a story to tell me you reach out and do so. You are not alone in this world my lovelies! I am here if you need me to listen.

Much love and many blessings to you all!

Mrs. B