Hey beautiful souls,

First off, I want to say thank you—for being here, for being patient, and for giving me space when I needed it most.

I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted here, and trust me, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. Life simply got loud. Sometimes the to-do list turns into a full-on scroll, the emotions hit like waves, and your body and brain both whisper, “Please… just pause.” So I did. I gave myself permission to step back, take a deep breath, and just be.

In the midst of this chaotic whirlwind, I realized the importance of honoring my own needs. It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind, pushing ourselves to meet deadlines, fulfill expectations, and maintain a façade of constant productivity. But what I’ve learned during this time is that taking a break is not a sign of weakness; it’s a powerful act of self-care.

Stepping back offered me the chance to reflect, reset, and recharge. I found solace in small moments: sipping tea while watching the leaves change colors, taking long walks that halted the racing thoughts, and diving into books that transported me to different worlds. Each moment was a gentle reminder that life is not just about doing—it’s about being present, appreciating the simple joys, and reconnecting with oneself.

As I return to this space, I’m bringing with me a renewed perspective and perhaps a bit more vulnerability. I want to share more about the journey, the challenges faced, and the wisdom gleaned during this time. My hope is to create a space where we can all explore these experiences together, understanding that it’s perfectly okay to step away and take care of our own hearts and minds. Thank you for the warm welcome back; I’m excited to continue this journey with you all.

Here’s a little life update on what’s been happening in the background of this much-needed time-out:

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🌀 Disability Denial & Legal Next Steps

After pouring my heart, health history, and hope into the disability process, I was hit with a denial. (Insert primal scream here.) -[ Let me just say, if you are starting your journey with this- DON’T GIVE UP! 90% of us get denied the first go round, and trust me, it’s a frustrating experience that can make you feel utterly defeated. Your second step is to do what I am doing 😉 But I’m not backing down; instead, I’m choosing to rise stronger than before.

I’ve officially hired a lawyer, someone who understands the complexities of the system and can advocate on my behalf, and we’re filing an appeal. Chronic pain and neurodivergent conditions are very real, impacting every aspect of life, and I refuse to let the system continue gaslighting people like us. Together we will challenge these unjust decisions, bringing light to our struggles so others don’t feel alone in this battle. Every step I take is a step towards reclaiming my rights and dignity, and I believe that with persistence and the right support, we can eventually turn these denials into victories for ourselves and others who follow our path.

Cue: endless phone calls, retelling your entire medical and trauma history like it’s a bedtime story, but for bureaucrats. Super relaxing, 10/10 recommend. [ Insert Sarcasm] 🙃

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🧠 Neuropsych Testing + Mental Load Meltdown

In addition to all that, I’ve been in the middle of a full neuropsych reevaluation—including testing for Autism, revisiting my ADHD, and trying to make sense of the beautiful chaos that is my brain. It’s been enlightening… and exhausting. The process has unwrapped layers of my mental and emotional landscape that I didn’t even know existed.

I’ve got a follow-up appointment scheduled to go over the full review and diagnosis. That should be fun—being told all the reasons my brain is spicy in clinical terms. 🔥🧠 I imagine it will be quite the experience, hearing everything laid out in a clinical context. Will it provide clarity or just raise more questions? Either way, I know that coming to terms with the intricacies of my mind will be an ongoing journey.

But here’s the honest truth: all of this combined took a serious toll. Emotionally, mentally, physically—it knocked me on my ass. The whirlwind of appointments, tests, and reflections has left me feeling incredibly vulnerable. Between talking to lawyers, prepping paperwork, and having to lay myself bare and be picked apart at my very core, I’ve opened up in ways that feel both liberating and daunting. I felt like I had a neon sign blinking over my head that read: “Exposed & Overanalyzed—Please Be Gentle.” It’s a strange dichotomy to feel strong by confronting my reality yet fragile from the weight of it all.

And surprise! That stress spiraled into a Fibro flare-up, a full-blown IBS tantrum, and a glorious cocktail of overwhelm, anxiety, and pure exhaustion. Because nothing says “thriving” like your nervous system throwing a rave in your intestines. The physical manifestations of my stress have been a harsh reminder of just how interconnected our mental and physical health truly are. It feels like my body is having its own reaction to this journey, screaming for a break while my mind races ahead.

So, as I navigate through this process, I remind myself that it’s okay to take breaks, seek support, and allow myself to feel all the emotions that come with this experience. Self-care is not just a luxury but a necessity; I’m learning to be gentle with myself as I tackle this complex tapestry of mental health and self-discovery.

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🩺 Appointments Galore (Medical Pokémon, Gotta Catch ‘Em All)

I’ve also been on what feels like a doctor scavenger hunt. Here’s what’s in the works:

• A follow-up at the spine clinic, which—if you’ve been following along—you’ll remember was not great the first time. I left that visit in pain and panic, and honestly felt like I failed to communicate my needs or explain my body in a way that landed. But I’m giving it one more try, because I’m still determined to find the right combo of care, answers, and support. This is me refusing to give up.
• More visits with my Rheumatologist (whom I adore)—but she’s two hours away, so each appointment feels like an epic quest
• Continued cognitive therapy and mental health support, because survival mode isn’t meant to be permanent
• A new primary care doc joining the line-up, though I can’t get in with her until September—but I’m cautiously optimistic that she could be a real asset to my medical team (and hopefully not just another white coat disappointment)

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💔 Friendship Fallouts & Family Shadows

Somewhere in between all this, I also had a falling out with a friend, and it stung. Emotional exhaustion on top of physical exhaustion? Chef’s kiss. 👌 I won’t detail this as we are actively trying to work on this, even if it is a tad one sided for reasons I can’t get into.

But something unexpectedly healing also happened: I had a deep, overdue conversation with my mother that I had been yearning for. After reviewing my neuro profile, she began to ask questions—not the defensive ones that had previously created barriers between us, but the curious ones that opened up a pathway for honest dialogue. We delved into topics we had often skirted around, peeling back layers of misunderstanding and emotion.

For the first time, parts of my childhood started making sense to her, illuminating experiences I had grappled with for years. As we shared and reflected on those moments, I felt a bridge forming between our two worlds, helping her see some things she didn’t realize were there—unspoken fears, hidden joys, and the intricate tapestry of emotions that had shaped me. There was no overnight transformation; rather, it was a gradual unveiling, revealing layers of understanding that had long remained dormant. This newfound insight led to a subtle yet profound shift in our dynamic, as if a light had flickered on in a dark room. We began to communicate with a deeper sense of empathy, resonating with each other’s feelings and perspectives in ways we never had before. And sometimes, that’s enough to shift the weight, allowing both of us to breathe a little easier and foster a deeper connection moving forward, nurturing the roots of our relationship and giving it the strength to grow even in the most challenging circumstances.

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💍 17 Years of Love (and Boba) July 14th ❤

Despite the chaos, life gave me a sweet reminder of love and stability: 17 years together and 8 years married to my husband. We decided to take a much-needed day date—just the two of us, an escape from our busy lives. We kicked off our adventure by exploring charming bookstores, losing ourselves in the aisles filled with stories waiting to be discovered. The smell of new pages and coffee wafted through the air, creating a perfect backdrop for our conversations.

Afterward, we indulged in a delightful lunch, savoring flavors and sharing laughs over our favorite dishes. It was during these moments that I realized how much I cherish our time together. Next, we visited a quaint herb shop, where the fragrant aromas enveloped us, reminding me of our shared love for cooking and experimenting with flavors. We giggled as we debated which herbs to buy, creating an imaginary menu filled with dishes we’d make together.

To quench our thirst, we stopped at a boba tea shop. As we sipped on our drinks, we watched people pass by, their busy lives contrasting with our simple, relaxed outing. Pet stores were next on the agenda, where we admired the adorable animals, imagining how our home would be filled with joy if we decided to add a new furry member to our family.

All throughout the day, we had countless opportunities to laugh, talk, and just be together. These moments reminded me how precious our bond is and how important it is to take a step back and appreciate each other amidst the daily grind.

Honestly, he’s my emotional support husband but so much more than that, he is the one who stands by me through thick and thin. I am not above giving him a badge and a certificate because he truly deserves the recognition. The man deserves a trophy—and perhaps even a long, well-deserved nap after all the support and love he continuously gives. It’s days like these that reinforce my gratitude for our relationship, reminding me how lucky I am to have him by my side.

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🌿 So… What Now?

I’m easing back in. I’ve got so much I want to share—herbalism, rituals, Grimoire entries, neurodivergent insight, chronic illness tools, and spiritual downloads that have been brewing under the surface. These topics have been close to my heart, and I believe they can create a meaningful dialogue among us.

But for now, I just wanted to check in and say:
I’m still here. I’m still healing. I’m still messy and magical and exhausted—but I’m not giving up. Each day brings its own challenges, and while some moments feel like climbing a steep mountain, I find that the view from the top is worth every ounce of effort.

And if you’ve been navigating your own storms lately, please know:
You’re not alone. You don’t have to have it all figured out. And it’s okay to take a damn break. It’s essential to honor where you are in your journey and to allow yourself the grace and patience needed to heal and grow. We all have our rhythms, and it’s perfectly okay to step back when things feel overwhelming.

In the coming weeks, I plan to dive deeper into these topics and share insights that I hope will resonate with you. Whether it’s exploring the healing properties of certain herbs, discussing rituals that have uplifted my spirit, or reflecting on the complexities of living with a chronic illness, I trust that what I share will be valuable for some of you.

Much love and many blessings,
Mrs. B